i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
