Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
