Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
