Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
