her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.