i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas