Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire