Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
