I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.