So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis