I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?