No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
