Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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