can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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