grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
