her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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