I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
