My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
