I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
