I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
