Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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