So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
