I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
