can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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