Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
