Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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