I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
