Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
