u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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