I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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