They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
