I just cut my nipple shaving
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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