I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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