she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
