Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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