I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i out mim tonsoeep
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