Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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