His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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