If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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