the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
