he puts the penis in happiness.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
