it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
