1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
