I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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