Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
