I want to have your abortion
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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