It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
