i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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