Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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