Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
