The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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