i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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