Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
