If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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