I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize