Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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