Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
