The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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