I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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