Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was confusing and full of hummus
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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