i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
no, he came in my armpit
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
