Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
