i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
