Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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