OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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