I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
