it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
tell me about the eggs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
