i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
