Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
