He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
