Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
