Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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