I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
