My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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