i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
