Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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