and my herpes radar will keep us safe
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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