I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
