Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
